getting there

im getting there. if anything i have gained weight and am afraid to look at the scale. i havent had time to work out and i havent been focused enough on my food. but i have finals and i need to crash for it. so many major projects due. so i have learned that i like to stress eat. which is okay. all i have to do is learn to reach for the celery. or pickles. i LOVE pickles. i feel like hell. but i think break will give me time i need to get there. i want to get there. i am getting there. loveyourselfeveryone. weighthin.

ultrasound

so today i had to go to the hospital to get an ultra sound for my sever abdominal pain. since it was a saturday, the hospital had to call in a tech. seeing how i was the only person sitting in radiology,when the tech got there she walked right over to me and asked how far along i was. that made me want to rip the fat off me and die right there. needless to say i now have new motivation. weigh thin everyone.

The Start Line.

Now I'm not saying anyone should go out and starve themselves or make themselves throw up. It's NOT healthy and there are risks. But I dont blame those who do. Starting 7th grade in the Jr. High I was pretty. I never weighed more than 110. Ever. I only ate certian things and only so much and I felt good. I was HAPPY. But as I started helping others feel better and stop bad habits I forgot about me. Now as a 10th grader in highschool I'm not happy. I weigh 138 pounds. I feel fat and I feel ugly. I make myself sick. I lost control. I lost me. So now I am going back and I'm going to feel better. No excuses. I want no regrets. I think having a blog will help me not fall back. I'm not telling anyone how to live their life but I'm asking for people not to critize how I live mine. I want to restrict what goes into my body and I want the power over ME back. My goal is 102 and under. But it will take a while. And I know I can do it. Anyone can do what they put their heart into.