love

so i know this site is just to help me bewho i want but i have something to admit. i have lost weight then gained a lot back, but thats okay. New Years eve i wentto a party and ended up with a boy. a fabulous boy. a dork. a total gamer. totally cute though. our song is 'kiss the girl'. i will become prettier and thinner so he can be proud. i love my life, and now im just trying to make it even better:)

getting there

im getting there. if anything i have gained weight and am afraid to look at the scale. i havent had time to work out and i havent been focused enough on my food. but i have finals and i need to crash for it. so many major projects due. so i have learned that i like to stress eat. which is okay. all i have to do is learn to reach for the celery. or pickles. i LOVE pickles. i feel like hell. but i think break will give me time i need to get there. i want to get there. i am getting there. loveyourselfeveryone. weighthin.

ultrasound

so today i had to go to the hospital to get an ultra sound for my sever abdominal pain. since it was a saturday, the hospital had to call in a tech. seeing how i was the only person sitting in radiology,when the tech got there she walked right over to me and asked how far along i was. that made me want to rip the fat off me and die right there. needless to say i now have new motivation. weigh thin everyone.

creativity

So when i was looking for ways to excerise today i thought itd be agood idea to jump off the couch to put the star on top of the tree. boy was i wrong. lights burn. but it was fun. be creative. and i learned my favorite food is celery. its the only food i feel good about eating. ive been eating it nonstop. finals are in two weeks so ive been stress eating. tip: lock yourself in your room or go to the library or something. i love the KU library. only take a couple dollars so you cant get anything to eat though! weighthin.

babysitting

so i havent posted in a while because i had to babysit for a woman who hurt her back and her husband was out of town. she is a great woman and i went do her house after school and spent nights there. the only problem with that is her forcing me to eat. this is a problem. my current weight is 139 which is definatly where i DID NOT want to be. i made it through thanks giving and lost weight until this lady!! so i think im going to have to do some extreme work outs later. point is you cant give up and even though i HATE myself now, i know i wont always. keep strong. be thin.

The Start Line.

Now I'm not saying anyone should go out and starve themselves or make themselves throw up. It's NOT healthy and there are risks. But I dont blame those who do. Starting 7th grade in the Jr. High I was pretty. I never weighed more than 110. Ever. I only ate certian things and only so much and I felt good. I was HAPPY. But as I started helping others feel better and stop bad habits I forgot about me. Now as a 10th grader in highschool I'm not happy. I weigh 138 pounds. I feel fat and I feel ugly. I make myself sick. I lost control. I lost me. So now I am going back and I'm going to feel better. No excuses. I want no regrets. I think having a blog will help me not fall back. I'm not telling anyone how to live their life but I'm asking for people not to critize how I live mine. I want to restrict what goes into my body and I want the power over ME back. My goal is 102 and under. But it will take a while. And I know I can do it. Anyone can do what they put their heart into.